Turning Negativity


...and embracing the Feminine Principle in its strength and compassion.

Ok guys, this is going to sound so esoteric, but bear with me. I am writing about this in a balanced way, a harmonious way if you will, in healing (and life). Using structural, physical techniques and spiritually uplifting techniques. 


The divine feminine embodies everything one requires to heal body, mind and spirit: love, equality, embracing mother earth, compassion, the greater good, understanding, and more. Loving myself is challenging for me to achieve and is most certainly a life-long practice, especially after having experienced chronic pain and how that pain can destabilize not only physiology but the psyche as well. In working to achieve this state of love, I've utilized myriad venues of exploration: meditation, acupuncture (a skilled acupuncturist can literally alter physiology!), chakra opening tools and ayahuasca to name a few. Recently I had an invaluable lesson from ayahuasca, a plant medicine, in which I focused on heart work. I was, prior to my most recent experience with this, projecting mostly negativity and sadness to my brain stem and body. I tried everything else: dietary modifications, exercise, rest, meditation; generally being really good to myself. Meditation absolutely helped bolster positivity and strengthen resolve, but I still held resentment about why my neck and brain stem were so weak and frail - why I felt so frail. Other negative thought patterning was occurring as well, my latest phrases of choice being "I am useless," "I am nothing," "why would anyone want to be around me" and "I'm not contributing to anything or to anyone." 

I usually didn't have these thoughts before my acute phase in 2012 although I tended to be more dark than light. Clearly this weighty negativity stems from the stress and frustration of managing chronic pain. But throughout really. hard. work. rebalancing my body, better thoughts began to emerge. Don't read here that all became simple, as it is quite the opposite. The thing is, we can heal ourselves through expanding our love; making our hearts big for ourselves, for others, for everything that is. During my last weekend with ayahuasca where I partook of the medicine three times, I, quite literally, broke the metal straps that bound my heart, the straps that twisted up my cervical spine and rooted themselves in my brainstem. I could feel the restriction and the sadness throughout that area in my body and I worked for hours trying to bust through that pain and clear my organs of the straps. Clear my negativity and open myself up for love. Throughout those three nights I tasked myself, through aya, with boosting love and turning away feelings of failure, disgust and outright hatred and contempt for myself and others. It was such a positive, spiritual, connected and beautiful weekend. I left with the feeling of breaking through a wall that was hindering my healing and bubbling over with happiness and peace. Such elation and relief.

My point with this is, whatever mode of emotional work someone chooses, whether it is singing, meditating, walking, etc., the goal is to release negative thoughts and feelings, think of your body as a whole and not just a brain stem (which also helps in meditation), and to instill happiness, love, affirming messages for yourself and those around you. Yes, this sounds "out there" to some, but it truly is beneficial and life changing.



I really don't feel that reciting mantras and praying are at any point different at all - after all the goal is the same - but some may feel prayer is a better word for expanding consciousness or sending love. Put aside any religious opinions here. I'm writing about love beyond any rules, mindsets or belief systems.


I usually practice walking meditation or I meditate while lying down. Walking is essential to my emotional and physical state; it feels great to loosen up, "spark some qi," as my husband always says, and provides me with time for myself. It is the perfect brain space for me to meditate. 


Every individual will have a resonance with a certain deity, a certain style and mantra(s) or statements. I am focusing on opening up for love, and that is the purpose of this page. As I'm writing this, I am remembering that for months and months I recited this mantra to myself, for hours and hours a day (in addition to other mantras). This was during 2012 in my really dark days. I said to myself: I am happy, I am healthy, I am strong. As I repeated this, I projected images of myself being exactly those things. I brought this up because I just made the connection of those words being, for me, divinely feminine. I was trying to foster love for myself.

My go-to mantras of late have been:


"Om (or Aum) Namah Shivaya" (Panchakshara Mantra - Five Syllable Mantra). It is associated with qualities of divine love, grace, truth, and blissfulness. Essentially it is a salutation to Shiva. I sing this to help open my throat chakra, which as we know can be challenging for someone with brain stem issues - my cervical spine and occiput always seem slightly "tight" or "bound," although I know this is not the case at all. 

You can read more about Om Namah Shivaya here.


Another is Gayatri Mantra. It goes like this: 

Om Bhur Bhuva Swaha

Tat Savitur Varenyam

Bhargo Devasya Deemahi

Deeyo Yo Naha, Prachodayaat


This mantra generally means: 


We meditate on that most adorable, desirable and enchanting luster and brilliance of our Supreme Being, our Source Energy, our Collective Consciousness, who is our creator, inspirer and source of eternal Joy.  May this warm and loving Light inspire and guide our mind and open our hearts.

There is an absolutely beautiful melody to the Gayatri that is sung by the famous Suresh WadkarI highly highly HIGHLY recommend listening to this. It is one of the most uplifting and inspiring mantras and even more so as sung by Suresh. There are meanings of each word throughout the mantra in the video.


If you'd like to discuss this more with me, please email me directly!